Sunday, February 8, 2009

Confessions...

So it's time to come out and admit it. I've been having an affair with my fridge.

It started sometime in middle of last year. In November or December the relationship was getting intense, and slowly became more passionate until the recent Christmas break, when it moprhed into what could almost be called psychotic infatuation and criminal stalking.

Needless to say I've been neglecting the gym as a result, and the gym has decided to take revenge. The first thing the gym did was tell my pants. My pants and I had really been getting along this year, they were comfy, they fit, I had new ones (I had to go up a size or two but oh well).... but maybe this was the problem. Maybe my pants were secretly getting nervous that as I'd discarded their predecessors so eagerly they thought they were heading for the same fate. So my pants listened to what my gym had to say and decided to take action.

Then they told the scales. The scales were very upset and started saying horrible and nasty things to me. They told me I weighed 153 lb the other day, and only a couple of weeks ago I was 146 and last year like 135. I was unable to convince the scales that my relationship with them should not be impacted by my relationships with either the gym, the fridge, or indeed my pants, but my poor scales are codependent and wouldn't listen.

My pants by this stage had done all this in vain as I was now in the verge of dumping them and going back to find their predecessors, which to me were not only more comfortable, but far nicer. This was too much and my pants told my mirror.

The mirror, never known for diplomacy, was blunt. It yelled at me YOU'VE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE FRIDGE. A BIG, LONG, PASSIONATE AFFAIR. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO EVERYBODY!! HOW COULD YOU?

And every time I walk past the mirror, it yells it. Then of course, being an interconnected species, every other mirror in the universe got on the bandwagon, and now even when I'm washing my hands at work, the mirror in the ladies' bathroom yells YOU FOOD LOVER! I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING WITH THE FRIDGE. ONLY A MONTH AGO YOU HAD CHEEKBONES BUT NOW YOU HAVE A DOUBLE CHIN!

So of course I'm in trouble with pretty much every household appliance that doesn't live in the kitchen. Half my wardrobe is yelling at me. None of the mirrors like me either.

So - I'm joined SparkPeople,I've joined a heap of challenges, I've got my gym class schedule on my fridge and I know that if I keep this relationship under control.. then that little red dress I wanted to wear for Valentine's Day (from back in my "skinny" days) will be worn as my husband and I dance under the stars in Mexico for my birthday...

Junk food it's been fun, you were great, but I'm better than you. Sorry. I have a husband, a child, and a family that deserves to have me around for a while.