Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Victim

... and then before I could fathom what had happened to me, I was a victim.

No one warned me that I would be becoming a victim. My morning started out normally, I dropped off Ryan at school, I was greeted at work by my chipper assistant, chatted with my best friend on G Mail Chat, reviewed reports- all very normal stuff. In some fashion, shouldn't something have been off? There should have been a sign. Maybe there was, our new dog, DuPont did pee on one of my Coach handbags.

I did not know what was in store for me today. I did not know that hours later I would have lost a portion of my self. A part of me that was taken and I can't get it back.

You hear on the news, that statistics show most of the time your attacker will be someone you know. My violater was a friend, a peer, a co-worker. How could someone I care for do this to me?

I was sexually harassed. There I said it. I was acosted in my store. One of my "safe havens."

I wasn't raped, my attacker only grabbed me and wouldn't let me go as he tried to kiss me. He held me so tight. There was no air between his chest and mine. In my mind, my thoughts raced. All I could see was the sweet face of my wonderful husband. I thought why is my friend doing this. STOP. As I pushed him, he held tighter and finally let me go.

I walked out of my office a different person. Bits of my soul on the floor, left there to rot.

Once home, I showered and screamed to God to clean me. To restore my faith. I cry becuase I am scared. Scared it will happen again, and next time it won't stop.

Why me? Why today? I will never have answers but I am changed. And I want ALL of me back.