Thursday, May 5, 2011

Halfway There!

Halfway There!

I hit the halfway mark today. 20 weeks! Being completely honest with you, I never thought we'd make it here. At our first appointment, when we were told "your dates are either wrong or the baby has stopped growing" I began to reconcile myself to the fact that this baby wouldn't make it. Even after we were told that the Baby was looking good and that in fact our dates were just wrong, I was still reserved. I have suffered the loss through miscarriage. Knowing that pain so well, I feared I would be reliving it. Yet, in my fear I prayed. I prayed that just like my Ryan this baby was too a fighter, a lover, and full of laughter. 

Doctor's appointments, asthma attacks, and hospital stays kept my fear at the front of my mind. When my grandfather fell and died 4 days later, the fear was there- I had been told repeatedly how bad stress was.

Yet, in the back of my mind, the Holy Spirit was saying "trust me". So I did. I still had fear!

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Psalm 27: 14

I stumbled upon this scripture and I became to expect the Lord to do great and mighty things. For this child I had prayed, for this child I had cried, for this child I love...

and you know what- we are here. We are halfway through and there are no signs of falter. There are only signs that point to the fact that God loves me enough, thinks enough of me, and wants me to be Harper's momma.

God showed me last night while I was goofy with Ryan that Harper is going to be goofy too. As he and I played, she kicked up a storm as if to say "I wanna play!"  Harper and Ryan we've got memories to make and I cannot think of two more precious babies then you two to make these memories with.

As Ryan says, "keep up the heat frying pan! You got a sister to make!"

Thank you Lord, for seeing me fit to be a mom to another one of your miracles. I fall short daily in my trust of you and my faith. Thank you for pulling out of my despair and showing me time and time again that my value is so much more than I know. I would be lost in a desert without you. Thank you for the gift of sacrifice of your Son that I may know life more abundantly here with my own children and later in Heaven with you.