Monday, July 11, 2011

July 12, 2011

July 12, 2011 I will hand my precious little baby boy to a nurse to take him back for his 12th surgery. Even though he is 9 years old, he will always be my baby boy. One might think by now that this is routine and shouldn't be that difficult. Yet, I tell you every time I go to Scottish Rite the harder it becomes to allow them to do what needs to be done. When he was younger, it was a tad easier b/c he had no clue what was happening. Now he is so aware of everything that is happening. He is aware that starting tonight at midnight he will not be able to eat solid food for weeks. He is aware that tomorrow, he will drink this medicine that makes him "drunk" and that a nurse will take him from me. I keep assuring Ryan that I will be "right there" and his response is either "you better" or "good".

I am reminded during all of our times at Scottish Rite that our condition could be worse. We could be fighting for his life. Even in those early days a fight for life has never been our battle. Ryan was born with a unilateral complete cleft lip and palate. The surgery we will have tomorrow is called a morphgenetic protein bone graph. In normal terms, the cleft in his gum line will be closed. I am anxious about tomorrow because I have handed Ryan to a nurse for this EXACT surgery almost 2 years ago to the day. We elected for a new method to be used and it didn't work as well as our plastic surgeon wants so we have to do it again. I am anxious because if it didn't work then WILL it work now?

I am reminded through my tears and my fears that I serve a MIGHTY God. I worship the Great Physician. I have covered Ryan in prayers as have my friends and my family. In the best of times and the worst of times, my God is good and faithful.

I am reminded of one of my Papa's favorite verses "What time I am afraid, I will place my trust in thee." Psalms 56:3

God's got this. When I am afraid tomorow or tonight, I will recite this verse and He will comfort me.