Thursday, November 8, 2012

Co-Parenting after Divorce: The In laws

My ex husband is a good man. Trust me, you will read lots of complaints here about the "ex" and the "new wife" but y'all at the end of the day he is a good man.

The "ex" called me a week ago. He wanted to discuss what they were facing with his father. His dad has had dementia for years. In fact, this past January at a basketball practice for Lil Dude his dad sat with me and said, "That little boy is my grandson." He had no recollection that I had once been his daughter in law. I wasn't sad that he didn't know me. I was actually thankful for that but I was sad for him. I was said for Lil Dude and for my "ex". Because one day this man would also not know who they are anymore either.

(Not trying to be insensitive about this horrible disease. When I found this on Pinterest, it made me smile because I thought maybe my ex father law and I could be "new friends".)

The time had come to put his dad in an assisted living facility. As my "ex" explained how they came to this decision, I could feel the tears stream down my face. I was so sorry for him. I told the "ex" how sorry I was and then the tears caught in my throat. I apologized for crying but it was hard to see someone who used to be so dear to me at this point. I think my "ex" appreciated the tears. It showed him that despite wanting to high five him in the face last week with a chair, this week I want to hug him, pray with him, and encourage him.

Lil Dude doesn't seem to really understand what is happening. I hope if he has questions that he knows he can come to us. I hope when he realizes what has actually happened to his grandfather that he understands that despite the ugly disease that his Grandaddy loves him. I hope I can remember stories from Ryan's childhood to foster just how deeply his Grandaddy does in fact love him.

It's not easy being divorced cause at various times things like this come up. And when they do, I am faced with being a jerk and acting like I don't care or to cry. I chose to cry. It's really how I feel. My tears don't mean anything towards the ex. They were all for the relationship I had once had with this man and for how sick I know he is. Showing the tears, showed my "ex" just how sorry I am that he is having to make this tough choice.

I'd encourage you when you are faced with being tough or real- go with real. All the time.